That's Life I make assumptions all the time. I don’t think I do. I don’t try to. In fact, I often congratulate myself on not making assumptions. But I do it all the time. That’s life. It’s only when I slow down and get curious that I realize
Red Pen When my kid was in 6th grade, he had a Latin teacher who I’ll call Mr. B. On parents’ night, we all piled into Mr. B’s classroom to talk about curriculum and grading. As much as I was interested in his passion for Latin, it was Mr. B&
Enough I’ve been in Massachusetts for a week alone working on the business of my business. * Where can I do more? * Where can I make a bigger impact? * How can I reach more people? * How can I help more people? * What else should I be doing? It was exhausting, enlightening,
Favorite Moments I mean... 🥲 It's hard to put into words what this past weekend meant for me. A new friend asked me to name my favorite moment of the weekend. "Just one?" I replied. "Okay, three," she laughed. 1. Watching a person hear - and really
Karma Sometimes the thing I’m creating for others is the thing I need for myself. I made a card deck for past clients and workshop participants. There are three categories - Name, Reframe, Move Forward. I’ve had people tell me they pull out random cards from all 3 categories
Now What? The question under a lot of coaching conversations I have. Among all the other football conversations happening in the U.S. right now, Bill Belichick has been in the news lately. For those who don’t know, Mr. Belichick was a phenomenally successful football coach for the New England Patriots.
Start Close In Observations from facilitating a leadership summit at Lawrence Berkeley Lab last week: * Most advice we give is advice we need to hear ourselves. * Most questions we ask to others are questions we want asked of ourselves (or questions we're too afraid to be asked, but need to be)
Activated “Just because something can be activated, doesn’t mean it should be activated.” My trainer at the gym said these words the other day. We were talking about how I activate my quads instead of my glutes resulting in overuse and injury. But her words got me thinking about where
Energy The gift of giving A long distance friend and I were catching up and she casually mentioned her volunteer work. “What does your volunteer work look like?” I asked. She told me about Reading Partners where she spends an hour a week tutoring and about volunteering at a homeless shelter
Remember This As a child, I wanted to be an adult. As an adult, I want to remember my childhood spirit.
Put Your Name in the Hat The terrifying and exhilarating ride of showing up for ourselves and others.
Connections My sister and I were comparing notes on the New York Times puzzles. She began laughing at her frustrations over Connections and Wordle. “It’s funny," she said, “how I can be looking at the words and not see a pattern at all. I get so stuck. Or I
Role Reversal I was visiting my 23 year old daughter in New York City recently. We were on the subway. The car was packed. As we entered the crowded station, she, standing closer to the door, reached back, grabbed hold of my wrist, pulled me off the train through the sea of
Art My daughter and I went to the Manet/Degas show at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City a few weeks ago. I teared up reading the description at the front of the exhibit: “Manet and Degas were born just two years apart, both the eldest sons of
No B.S. Recently, I had the privilege of running my No Bullshit Workshop in-person for the first time. I spent 4 months planning every detail. I filled 3 days with powerful material and space to explore. But the real magic happened because of the people who showed up. These humans came ready
Easy-peasy I'm a pretty organized person. When I'm on top of my game, I spend an hour or so on Sunday writing down everything I want to get done for the week and assign a day of the week to accomplish each goal. I put every appointment,
I see you - tell me more. My ninth grade English teacher, Bob Sandine, was in town a few months ago. This man is a good human. A minister, civil rights activist, heart-centered, heart-led man. He is deeply kind and generous and his presence reminded me of how much room for thought and dialogue he made in
p. 114 I wake at 4:30 am. I’m grateful it’s past 4 at least but wishing it was the more reasonable hour of 5 because I know I won’t be getting any more sleep. My mind has latched onto worry. Like a moth to a flame, sure to
Santa Cruz What I Noticed…in Santa Cruz SEX A young man stood watch at the hotel pool. In his employee uniform, he checked passes with a no nonsense expression. A book lay open in front of him and he kept his hand on the page so as not to lose his
Oof. Very few people are intentional assholes. Wait, I’m not done. Here’s another bold statement: People don’t push your buttons. I say the first statement as a former defense attorney. The second statement as a coach. Let me explain. You’ve got buttons. Sore spots, trigger points, internal
Words of Wisdom and a Little Bit of Luck On my way to the airport a few months ago, I had a wise and relaxed Uber driver. I asked him how he stayed calm while driving. He said when people were driving too fast or dangerously, or when passengers were challenging, he repeated this to himself: "I don&
What If? I was talking with a friend who was using a lot of words like “need” and “should” to describe how he felt about an upcoming trip. Distracted by loss, he was in full judgment towards himself and his mindset around time off. I asked if I could make a suggestion.
One Step Forward. And Then Another. I’m part of a writing community that meets regularly to write together. As we gathered to write about the prompt “One Step Forward”, I closed my eyes to think of a story. I heard waves crashing on the beach below. One wave. And then another. And another. On and
Actually A friend and I were talking about books we were hoping to write. “I’ve actually written a book,” she confessed. “I just don’t know what to do with it.” “What’s the challenge for you?” I asked, fully expecting her to launch into frustrations around publishing. “I’m
5 Minutes of Magic I took an overnight flight from San Francisco to Massachusetts a few weeks ago. Optimistically, I expected to fall fast asleep for the entire flight. I failed miserably. Tired, frustrated, and stressed at how the following day was going to play out, I gave up. I removed my sleep mask
Here's to you, Frank I'm interrupting regular programing to give homage to my beloved father-in-law who died this week. To say Frank Perrine was special is a severe understatement. He was known - and loved - by thousands but made a person feel like the most important person in the world when
Find Out For Yourself I took these two pictures at the same time on the same day: It was a great reminder not to believe everything I read. To go out into the world and experience it for myself. I'm almost always delighted by what I discover. ❤️🔥 Want more? Here's
A Van Full of Nuns I was at war today. A war with myself, but a war nonetheless. The voices in my head were winning. They started murmuring about two days ago. Yesterday, I could no longer ignore them. Louder and louder they got. They don’t read your work. They don’t value you.
Maud I kiss Maud every morning - her face cool, her smile warm. She never says a word. She’s stone so that makes sense but I don’t think it’s the stone that’s stopping her. She receives my kiss without complaint, without pulling away, without looking through me.
Dragonflies I was having a moment. I don’t really want to get into why but sadness was at its core. Naturally, in the midst of sadness came obstacles annoyances frustration. My day was upended by a to-do list of things I didn’t want to do. Didn’t want to
Pushing Back My friend Michelle passed along Susan David's article on courage in the face of fear. What dawned on me as I read it was that talking about the pain and discomfort of doing hard things is as important as talking about the why and how of doing hard
Community I purposely don’t have the comments open on Fire & Light. Engaging in comments, interacting with readers, feels like an easy place for me to hide. It’s fun spending time and energy connecting with people when sitting with myself and pulling stories out feels hard. I’m a
Bits and Pieces No story this week, just snippets of good stuff I've heard lately... * "Able-bodiness is a temporary state for everyone." I heard this on a public radio interview and it just blew my mind - and reframed how I was thinking about my own aging body. The
Setting Boundaries My sister broke her foot and I offered to take her to the doctor’s office. But first, we had to stop at her daughters’ school. We walked into the school together and were greeted by a small woman seated behind an enormous old desk. “This is —. She’s amazing,
Lots and Lots of Bread British Airways canceled my flight home the night before I was supposed to leave London. The airline had been a pain in the ass from the minute I booked the ticket and this latest development added to my overall foreboding about the travel part of my otherwise stellar visit to
Life Raft I wrote this years before the pandemic. It still holds true for me although I recognize there are exceptions. I don't always have an easy time relying on myself - unexpected transitions throw me - but simple doesn't mean easy. People seem to be always reaching
Yes Please, More Please, Now Please, You Please. I was on a call recently with a business community I belong to and we were talking about how we serve our clients. It quickly became clear that the more we honed in on who we wanted to work with - and who we didn’t, the easier the work
White Hot Center I’m a Bravo fan. I find the shows fascinating from a psychological standpoint. Honestly, I could write a dissertation on every franchise. What’s currently preoccupying me in the Bravoverse - and this will come as no surprise to Bravo fans - is #Scandavol. Scandavol is the tag name
Going Back to Spring Forward I recently spent the weekend in Chicago visiting a dear college friend. We headed back to Beloit College and spent a beautiful spring day walking around the gorgeous campus. I haven't been back since I graduated 31 years ago. Not out of protest - more out of indifference.
So Many Mothers I’ve been lucky to have many mothers in my life. I'm not a huge fan of constructs - Mother's Day for instance. How about we celebrate those we call Mother every day? Having said that, I can't help but think of the women
Pegnataro's A dessert love story. Although I wasn’t totally aware at the time, I didn’t get a lot of one-on-one time with my father as a child. He worked a lot. And I was one of five kids. My mother was great at making his presence felt even when
How I Spend My Time Two short stories for your weekend... What do you do?Years ago, I was at a wedding where I was seated next to a man I didn’t know during the dinner. I felt nervous and out of sorts - I didn’t know anyone seated near me and they
The Last Time There have been moments in my life where I did something for the last time without realizing I’d never do it again. Some I am glad to look back on and be done with (like the last time I changed a diaper). Some, not so much - like the
What do you do? Years ago, I was at a wedding where I was seated next to a man I didn’t know during the dinner. I felt nervous and out of sorts - I didn't know anyone seated near me and they all appeared sophisticated and accomplished. I was intimidated. So
Mind and Body "Where do you feel this in your body? " When I first started out as a coach, I was terrified of this kind of question. Asking this kind of question felt too squishy, too “woo-woo” for me. I’d have to be a life coach living in California to
You vs. You One of my favorite movies of all time is Creed. I love the male journey, the love between Rocky and Donny, and the fight - in the ring, in themselves, between each other, and for the things that matter to them both. Here are some of the best quotes from
What They Said A few quotes I saw while visiting the Miller House in Columbus, Indiana last December have stayed with me: "Compromise comes from a fear of being pure." Eero Saarinen "Nothing is new, but personal interpretation can often be so." Alexander Girard
Fun I was in my favorite city in the world yesterday. It was sunny, 80 degrees and gorgeous. Daffodils and tulips were in bloom everywhere. I was hot, sweaty and tired. So I bought a pint of Dulce de Leche ice cream and found a chair in Bryant Park. Like a
Growth is Always Possible I read this during Passover and it made me remember that the work of getting out of one's own way is as old as mankind. Occasionally, I manage it. Here's a story of the most recent time I took an old habit and kicked it to
Old Habits Die Hard About a year ago, I started working with a personal trainer at a local gym. I felt desperate to regain the strength and mobility I had lost during the pandemic, so I found a place that could take me in and I worked with this guy twice a week for
Surrender I've got two big musical loves. U2 and Anderson .Paak. Their music and their actions have inspired and fueled me. Together, their music is the soundtrack of my life. Bono represents my fire (born with my fists up). Anderson .Paak represents my light (dance while I fight). I
Seek What is True 3 things ❤️🔥 Lighting Me Up ❤️🔥 this week: stories As I prepare to coach in the Story Skills Workshop (come join me!), these words from The Uncommon Reader by Alan Bennett jumped out: The appeal of reading, she thought, lay in its indifference: there was something deferring about literature. Books did
Fear versus Love Fear is easy. Fear is contagious and comfortable and validating. But it isn't our truest nature. Our truest nature - humankind's north star - is love. Love is hard sometimes. Intangible most of the time. But love is the only way forward.
Fire & Light Catchup It's been rainy and cold here in California. As a result, I find myself cozying up to lots of distractions. Here are the standouts: Movies The Woman King - a phenomenal movie and a rare example of a movie that gets better and better as it goes along.
First Fire, Then Light Friday's Fire & Light (a little heavy on the fire ❤️🔥) Boundaries is the topic of this week. Drawing your own and then respecting them. Understanding other people have boundaries and respecting those as well. #1 I'd Rather Be Kind A video story about kindness - which
Need vs Want (or How I Stopped Drinking Without Really Trying) Turning need into want changes the outcome.
Expecting Assholes, Getting Assholes Getting schooled by my teenage son - when you expect assholes, you're going to get assholes.
Final musings from 2022 3 of this week's reads as we close out 2022 and enter 2023. 🥳 #1 What are you celebrating? Celebration and GratitudeSo much of the end of December is focused on setting intentions for next year. I’m not a huge fan of that - I feel the pressure
Celebration and Gratitude So much of the end of December is focused on setting intentions for next year. I'm not a huge fan of that - I feel the pressure and stress of getting it right, doing it better next year. The framework feels like I'm starting from a
Being As You Are Doing I was having a conversation with two friends, Enrika and Bernadette, and I was admitting to just being. Not doing, not producing, not acting - just being. They both laughed in recognition. Yes - sometimes, that’s what we need, they agreed. Sometimes we’re caught up in the doing
Heart Connection Enrika Greathouse is a radiant light. She shines bright and shows up with the warmth of a million suns. We were both having a moment when our interview started - and not a good one. So we got right into that and found our way through with laughter and some
Eat the Red Pepper My youngest son called me today from college to ask if he could interview me for one of his classes. The topic? A story about food. I knew instantly which one I would tell. Henry got more out of this story than I picked up at the time. I was
Creating Trust When I first met Warren and Scott, I didn't think of myself as a "club" person. I certainly didn't think I'd be boxing within two weeks of meeting them at the fitness club they created. All I knew was that my knee
Finding the Common Thread I adore Noel Ciminello - he's funny, kind, generous, and a great listener. He's multi-talented, multi-faceted, and his humanity and belief in others is at the center of how he shows up to everything. I met him - and his wife and son - when I
Seen & Heard What do soccer and listening have in common? According to my friend Jodi Pickering, they're both skills one can learn. And once you learn how to listen, just like soccer, you get invited to play. ⚽️ "Too often," says Jodi, "people describe listening as work when,
Feeling Thankful Over the past few years, I've met heart centered leaders who create inclusive communities filled with love and possibility. Here are a few I'm feeling deeply grateful for this week. #1 The Kindest Guys in Fitness Scott and Warren started a gym and I discovered community,
A Mile in Her Shoes originally written 7/23/2020 I walked a mile - maybe 3 - in my mother's shoes today. Literally. My mother died 5 months ago. Even though I said I didn't want any of her clothing, my older sister insisted I take a pair of my
Fire & Light: Playing with Others 2 items to get you through the long weekend #1: What do soccer and listening have in common? According to my friend Jodi Pickering, they're both skills one can learn. And once you learn how to listen, just like soccer, you get invited to play. ⚽️ "Too often,
Acknowledge & Validate How does a flight attendant and undercover coach keep the skies safe? She uses acknowledgment and validation to make the passengers and crew feel seen and heard.
Welcome to Fire and Light The place where I dance as I fight and laugh as I lead. Join me. Here's the conversation that sparked it all...
Calling Bullshit - How I Live Through This How I Live Through This, Season 3 - Undercover Coaches. Explore how to connect and create space for possibility and impact by listening with empathy, curiosity, and generosity.
Legacy - The Tangible and Intangible Ways We Leave Pieces of Ourselves Behind When we think about legacy, we think about tangible things we leave behind. Sometimes the more important pieces are intangible.