What I Noticed…in Santa Cruz SEX A young man stood watch at the hotel pool. In his employee uniform, he checked passes with a no nonsense expression. A book lay open in front of him and he kept his hand on the page so as not to lose his
Very few people are intentional assholes. Wait, I’m not done. Here’s another bold statement: People don’t push your buttons. I say the first statement as a former defense attorney. The second statement as a coach. Let me explain. You’ve got buttons. Sore spots, trigger points, internal
On my way to the airport a few months ago, I had a wise and relaxed Uber driver. I asked him how he stayed calm while driving. He said when people were driving too fast or dangerously, or when passengers were challenging, he repeated this to himself: "I don't want
I was talking with a friend who was using a lot of words like “need” and “should” to describe how he felt about an upcoming trip. Distracted by loss, he was in full judgment towards himself and his mindset around time off. I asked if I could make a suggestion.
I’m part of a writing community that meets regularly to write together. As we gathered to write about the prompt “One Step Forward”, I closed my eyes to think of a story. I heard waves crashing on the beach below. One wave. And then another. And another. On and
A friend and I were talking about books we were hoping to write. “I’ve actually written a book,” she confessed. “I just don’t know what to do with it.” “What’s the challenge for you?” I asked, fully expecting her to launch into frustrations around publishing. “I’m
I took an overnight flight from San Francisco to Massachusetts a few weeks ago. Optimistically, I expected to fall fast asleep for the entire flight. I failed miserably. Tired, frustrated, and stressed at how the following day was going to play out, I gave up. I removed my sleep mask
I'm interrupting regular programing to give homage to my beloved father-in-law who died this week. To say Frank Perrine was special is a severe understatement. He was known - and loved - by thousands but made a person feel like the most important person in the world when he spoke
I took these two pictures at the same time on the same day: It was a great reminder not to believe everything I read. To go out into the world and experience it for myself. I'm almost always delighted by what I discover. ❤️🔥 Want more? Here's a story I published
I was at war today. A war with myself, but a war nonetheless. The voices in my head were winning. They started murmuring about two days ago. Yesterday, I could no longer ignore them. Louder and louder they got. They don’t read your work. They don’t value you.
I kiss Maud every morning - her face cool, her smile warm. She never says a word. She’s stone so that makes sense but I don’t think it’s the stone that’s stopping her. She receives my kiss without complaint, without pulling away, without looking through me.
I was having a moment. I don’t really want to get into why but sadness was at its core. Naturally, in the midst of sadness came obstacles annoyances frustration. My day was upended by a to-do list of things I didn’t want to do. Didn’t want to
My friend Michelle passed along Susan David's article on courage in the face of fear. What dawned on me as I read it was that talking about the pain and discomfort of doing hard things is as important as talking about the why and how of doing hard things. My
I purposely don’t have the comments open on Fire & Light. Engaging in comments, interacting with readers, feels like an easy place for me to hide. It’s fun spending time and energy connecting with people when sitting with myself and pulling stories out feels hard. I’m a master
No story this week, just snippets of good stuff I've heard lately... * "Able-bodiness is a temporary state for everyone." I heard this on a public radio interview and it just blew my mind - and reframed how I was thinking about my own aging body. The person went on to
My sister broke her foot and I offered to take her to the doctor’s office. But first, we had to stop at her daughters’ school. We walked into the school together and were greeted by a small woman seated behind an enormous old desk. “This is —. She’s amazing,
British Airways canceled my flight home the night before I was supposed to leave London. The airline had been a pain in the ass from the minute I booked the ticket and this latest development added to my overall foreboding about the travel part of my otherwise stellar visit to
I wrote this years before the pandemic. It still holds true for me although I recognize there are exceptions. I don't always have an easy time relying on myself - unexpected transitions throw me - but simple doesn't mean easy. People seem to be always reaching for some “thing” that
I was on a call recently with a business community I belong to and we were talking about how we serve our clients. It quickly became clear that the more we honed in on who we wanted to work with - and who we didn’t, the easier the work
I’m a Bravo fan. I find the shows fascinating from a psychological standpoint. Honestly, I could write a dissertation on every franchise. What’s currently preoccupying me in the Bravoverse - and this will come as no surprise to Bravo fans - is #Scandavol. Scandavol is the tag name
I recently spent the weekend in Chicago visiting a dear college friend. We headed back to Beloit College and spent a beautiful spring day walking around the gorgeous campus. I haven't been back since I graduated 31 years ago. Not out of protest - more out of indifference. For the
I’ve been lucky to have many mothers in my life. I'm not a huge fan of constructs - Mother's Day for instance. How about we celebrate those we call Mother every day? Having said that, I can't help but think of the women I consider mothers to me. These
A dessert love story. Although I wasn’t totally aware at the time, I didn’t get a lot of one-on-one time with my father as a child. He worked a lot. And I was one of five kids. My mother was great at making his presence felt even when
Two short stories for your weekend... What do you do?Years ago, I was at a wedding where I was seated next to a man I didn’t know during the dinner. I felt nervous and out of sorts - I didn’t know anyone seated near me and they
There have been moments in my life where I did something for the last time without realizing I’d never do it again. Some I am glad to look back on and be done with (like the last time I changed a diaper). Some, not so much - like the
Years ago, I was at a wedding where I was seated next to a man I didn’t know during the dinner. I felt nervous and out of sorts - I didn't know anyone seated near me and they all appeared sophisticated and accomplished. I was intimidated. So I turned
In celebration of Earth Day.
"Where do you feel this in your body? " When I first started out as a coach, I was terrified of this kind of question. Asking this kind of question felt too squishy, too “woo-woo” for me. I’d have to be a life coach living in California to ask this
One of my favorite movies of all time is Creed. I love the male journey, the love between Rocky and Donny, and the fight - in the ring, in themselves, between each other, and for the things that matter to them both. Here are some of the best quotes from
A few quotes I saw while visiting the Miller House in Columbus, Indiana last December have stayed with me: "Compromise comes from a fear of being pure." Eero Saarinen "Nothing is new, but personal interpretation can often be so." Alexander Girard
I was in my favorite city in the world yesterday. It was sunny, 80 degrees and gorgeous. Daffodils and tulips were in bloom everywhere. I was hot, sweaty and tired. So I bought a pint of Dulce de Leche ice cream and found a chair in Bryant Park. Like a
I read this during Passover and it made me remember that the work of getting out of one's own way is as old as mankind. Occasionally, I manage it. Here's a story of the most recent time I took an old habit and kicked it to the curb. We are
About a year ago, I started working with a personal trainer at a local gym. I felt desperate to regain the strength and mobility I had lost during the pandemic, so I found a place that could take me in and I worked with this guy twice a week for
I've got two big musical loves. U2 and Anderson .Paak. Their music and their actions have inspired and fueled me. Together, their music is the soundtrack of my life. Bono represents my fire (born with my fists up). Anderson .Paak represents my light (dance while I fight). I was in
3 things ❤️🔥 Lighting Me Up ❤️🔥 this week: stories As I prepare to coach in the Story Skills Workshop (come join me!), these words from The Uncommon Reader by Alan Bennett jumped out: The appeal of reading, she thought, lay in its indifference: there was something deferring about literature. Books did
Fear is easy. Fear is contagious and comfortable and validating. But it isn't our truest nature. Our truest nature - humankind's north star - is love. Love is hard sometimes. Intangible most of the time. But love is the only way forward.
Put your work into the world.
It's been rainy and cold here in California. As a result, I find myself cozying up to lots of distractions. Here are the standouts: Movies The Woman King - a phenomenal movie and a rare example of a movie that gets better and better as it goes along. Viola Davis'
Fire & Light Weekly Wrap Up 2/24/23
The only person asking me to do it all by myself is...me.
The Welcome Home Edition
Letting Go to Get More
Fire & Light Best of the Week
Leaning into what lights me up.
AND: my 2023 North Star.
The difference between telling and showing.
Friday's Fire & Light (a little heavy on the fire ❤️🔥) Boundaries is the topic of this week. Drawing your own and then respecting them. Understanding other people have boundaries and respecting those as well. #1 I'd Rather Be Kind A video story about kindness - which is not the same as
Clarity is kind.
Friday Night Fire & Light
A tiny shift in perspective can change everything.
Turning need into want changes the outcome.
Life lessons while hiking
Getting schooled by my teenage son - when you expect assholes, you're going to get assholes.
3 of this week's reads as we close out 2022 and enter 2023. 🥳 #1 What are you celebrating? Celebration and GratitudeSo much of the end of December is focused on setting intentions for next year. I’m not a huge fan of that - I feel the pressure and stress
So much of the end of December is focused on setting intentions for next year. I'm not a huge fan of that - I feel the pressure and stress of getting it right, doing it better next year. The framework feels like I'm starting from a deficit. But in one
What I mean when I talk about self leadership.
I was having a conversation with two friends, Enrika and Bernadette, and I was admitting to just being. Not doing, not producing, not acting - just being. They both laughed in recognition. Yes - sometimes, that’s what we need, they agreed. Sometimes we’re caught up in the doing
A message from me to you...
Harness the power of duality.
Use what you have and take the step right in front of you.
The Power of You
Unleash your power.
Enrika Greathouse is a radiant light. She shines bright and shows up with the warmth of a million suns. We were both having a moment when our interview started - and not a good one. So we got right into that and found our way through with laughter and some
My youngest son called me today from college to ask if he could interview me for one of his classes. The topic? A story about food. I knew instantly which one I would tell. Henry got more out of this story than I picked up at the time. I was
When I first met Warren and Scott, I didn't think of myself as a "club" person. I certainly didn't think I'd be boxing within two weeks of meeting them at the fitness club they created. All I knew was that my knee hurt, my stability and mobility were declining, and
I adore Noel Ciminello - he's funny, kind, generous, and a great listener. He's multi-talented, multi-faceted, and his humanity and belief in others is at the center of how he shows up to everything. I met him - and his wife and son - when I hired the company he
What do soccer and listening have in common? According to my friend Jodi Pickering, they're both skills one can learn. And once you learn how to listen, just like soccer, you get invited to play. ⚽️ "Too often," says Jodi, "people describe listening as work when, really, it's just playing with
Over the past few years, I've met heart centered leaders who create inclusive communities filled with love and possibility. Here are a few I'm feeling deeply grateful for this week. #1 The Kindest Guys in Fitness Scott and Warren started a gym and I discovered community, boxing, and friendship all
originally written 7/23/2020 I walked a mile - maybe 3 - in my mother's shoes today. Literally. My mother died 5 months ago. Even though I said I didn't want any of her clothing, my older sister insisted I take a pair of my mother's shoes as we
Bringing her people with her everywhere she went.
2 items to get you through the long weekend #1: What do soccer and listening have in common? According to my friend Jodi Pickering, they're both skills one can learn. And once you learn how to listen, just like soccer, you get invited to play. ⚽️ "Too often," says Jodi, "people
How does a flight attendant and undercover coach keep the skies safe? She uses acknowledgment and validation to make the passengers and crew feel seen and heard.
The place where I dance as I fight and laugh as I lead. Join me. Here's the conversation that sparked it all...
These are the things lighting me up and setting me on fire at the moment...
How I Live Through This, Season 3 - Undercover Coaches. Explore how to connect and create space for possibility and impact by listening with empathy, curiosity, and generosity.
When we think about legacy, we think about tangible things we leave behind. Sometimes the more important pieces are intangible.
Put your work in the world.