People don't ask me to join anything. Remember when book clubs were all the rage? I always thought I’d be asked, but no. I mean I read constantly, I think deeply about subtext - I'd be great in a book club! But nope. No book clubs, no swingers parties, no girls’ trips, nothing.
To be honest, I probably would have said no to those gatherings. I've never been much of a joiner, a follower. I'm way too independent, skeptical, and opinionated (probably a correlation there 😉).
Then I met the boxing squad.
About a year ago, I discovered boxing at my gym and met four women who took the class regularly.
They insisted I be a part of their group.
For a long time, I didn’t realize that was happening. I’m a friendly person so I just thought they were being nice.
But I started noticing - months in - that they always included me. They started a text chain and put me in it. They'd talk about taking different classes and then go together - all while encouraging me to go. They said hi, goodbye, checked in on days off, and hugged each other when they met up at the gym. And included me in all of that.
It didn't matter if I skipped a day at the gym or went to a different class. There were no rules I had to follow, I was just in. Part of their friendship.
I finally caught on and started leaning in. Because I've learned how rare unconditional friendship is.
This gift came about because of an intention I set years ago. An intention to say YES to everything I felt a deep sense of connection to and NO to everything I didn't. People, work, purchases, decisions, ideas, a conversation - didn't matter. If I felt deeply connected, or could find a deep connection to it, I said yes. Without any expectation of an outcome.
I joined the gym because of the connection I felt to the owners and their commitment to building community. I had no idea this crew of women - this gift of friendship - would come out of that decision.
I set an intention to look for, show up to, be in, deep connection. And that intention changed the trajectory of my life - for the better.
So while I’m not a fan of resolutions, I am a fan of intentions. I can set one at the beginning of a conversation, at the start of a party, at the beginning of week, a day, a year. I can set an intention after I realize I've forgotten to set one and showed up in reaction. I can set an intention when shit hits the fan and all my defenses are down.
I can set an intention about the next 5 minutes, the next 5 days, the next 5 years, and all the moments in between.
An intention isn’t an outcome. It's a touchstone by which all decision making passes. For me, that was connection. Looking for connection, saying yes to connection, created possibilities I couldn't see coming - such as moving across the country 6 years ago, and this gorgeous group of friends, and creating in-person workshops, to name a few.
When you are lit up, when all cylinders are firing for you, what are you doing? Not externally, but internally? What are you tapping into? What part of you is being fed?
And where is the opportunity to do that right now? To set an internal intention allowing you to get more of that feeling - now and in the future?
Love these questions? Want more? Well, you're in luck!
I'm running my second No Bullshit Workshop March 1-3 right here in California. As I write this, I'm gathering a small group of generous people committed to their own personal and professional development who show up to others with open hearts and minds.
4 months of coaching in 3 days on the beach with extraordinary people.
It's going to be amazing. How do I know? Because the location is beautiful, the material is powerful, and because, most importantly, people like you are going to be a part of it. Being together in an intimate, safe environment to dig into what you really want and how to lead yourself to it - immediately and in the future - is the best kind of magic.
Check it out.