I am a nice person.
Sometimes, too nice.
I forget to draw clear obvious boundaries around my time, my values, my goals - then end up resentful when people walk right through them. Ahem. When I allow people to walk right through them.
I have spent hours of my life - weeks, years if I'm being honest - to arguments in my head, aloud in the shower, with people who blew past my boundaries. But, of course, I'm really mad at myself - how can I expect other people to see my boundaries if I'm just hoping, assuming, they will? If I'm not clear about what my boundaries are?
Being cross with other people is sometimes easier than giving myself permission to use my voice.
But kindness is the key.
When I'm kind, I'm not worried about whether someone will like me. I'm not prioritizing someone else's needs over my own. I am empathetic but I'm not picking up and carrying whatever it is they're putting down. Kindness creates clarity - and clarity is kind.
Recently, I had an experience that, in the past, would have sent me spiraling for weeks. Using kindness - to myself, to my colleague - as my guide, I used my voice and found clarity.